HC2H

DRUGS - CHECK
ALCOHOL - CHECK
COP FRIEND - CHECK
BLOCK PARTY - CHECK
LOUD MUSIC - CHECK
PUNCH BALLOON - CHECK
PUNCH BALLOON FILLED WITH ACETYLENE - CHECK
MATCHES - CHECK
EXPLOSION - CHECK

HAND BLOWN TO A CRISP...CHECK!



AS MY PRECEPTOR TELLS ME...MOST OF THE PATIENTS ON OUR UNIT WOULD NOT BE HERE IF THEY DIDN'T PLAY WITH MATCHES!

HEY MR.?

I HAVE OFTEN WONDERED IF THE CHOICES AND PATTERNS THAT WE SET IN LIFE TRULY COME FULL CIRCLE. IS THERE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF KARMA AT PLAY IN THE TWILIGHT YEARS OF OUR LIFE?...DOES WHAT WE HAVE PUT OUT INTO THE WORLD INEVITABLY COME HOME? I HAVE TAKEN CARE OF "MR." FOR TWO DAYS NOW AND HAVE DESPERATELY WANTED TO KNOW WHAT THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ARE TAKING PLACE BEHIND THOSE EYES. A LIFE OF STRUGGLE HAS REACHED ITS PINNACLE IN THE WINDING DOWN YEARS OF HIS STORY. HIS LIFE WAS SWINDLING PEOPLE AMID TIMES OF HOMELESSNESS. NOW NEARLY ALONE IN THE WORLD AND NOTHING TO HIS NAME I WONDER HOW HE VIEWS HIS PRESENT PREDICAMENT...

...40% FULL THICKNESS BURNS COVERING HIS ARMS AND LEGS...THE RESULT OF A WEE HOUR EXPLOSION IN HIS CAMPING TRAILER (AKA...HIS HOME). HE COLLAPSED AFTER SELF EXTRICATING FROM THE BLAZE, AND OVER A MONTH LATER HE FINDS HIMSELF STILL ON THE UNIT, AND IN THE CARE OF A ROOKIE BURN NURSE...WHATS LEFT OF HIS SKIN HAS BEEN USED TO GRAFT THE BURNS IN SEVERAL SURGERIES LEAVING HIS BODY COMPLETELY REMODELED. TODAY I PARTICIPATED IN CHANGING HIS DRESSINGS...A TAXING RESPONSIBILITY THAT TUGGED AT MY "NEW NURSE" BLEEDING HEART. DUE TO A TRACHEOTOMY (BREATHING TUBE IN HIS THROAT) THE HOUR AND HALF PROCESS LEFT HIM SPEECHLESS. MR. COULDN'T SPEAK...COULDN'T SCREAM... A TRUE CAPTIVE. THE CHARGE NURSE WHISPERED AND ANSWERED ME..."SCRUB HARD". AS I BEGAN TO WORK DOWN HIS ARMS HIS EYES MET MINE...THEY PIERCED DEEP INSIDE ME AS I MOVED BACK AND FORTH OVER HIS LEATHERY, SCARRED SKIN. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF..."MR. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO ME IF YOU COULD SPEAK? I LOOKED AWAY AND PUSHED SEVERAL MORE MEGS OF FENTANYL AND MIDAZOLAM HOPING TO ALLEVIATE PAIN THAT I CAN ONLY IMAGINE IN MY WORST NIGHTMARE...

...MR. UNABLE TO SPEAK AND VOICE MEDICAL DECISIONS AND TREATMENT, THE CHOICE HAS FALLEN ON ANOTHER...ONE WHO HAS ONLY SEEN MR. BANDAGED...ONE WHO WANTS EVERY LIFESAVING MEASURE PERFORMED...

...HEY MR. WHAT DO YOU WANT?...

FIRE-DANCE

MOST PEOPLE HAVE FOND MEMORIES CENTERED AROUND THE CAMPFIRE...ITS SMELL, THE SOUNDS OF CRACKLING WOOD, THE WIND MOVING THROUGH THE TREES AS THE MOON RISES IN THE SKY. FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES COMING CLOSER TOGETHER SHARING ITS WARMTH AND GRACE...FOR OTHERS...THIS MEMORY CANNOT BE COMPLETE WITHOUT AMERICAS LAST LEGAL DRUG...AND A LIFE CHANGING FIRE-DANCE. THE TWO TOGETHER RESULTED IN A DRUNKEN FALL INTO THE BOMB-FIRE RESULTING IN 9% PARTIAL AND FULL THICKNESS BURNS. AS I WATCHED THE SILENT TEARS RUN DOWN HER FACE AND OFF HER QUIVERING CHIN TODAY, I TRIED TO IMAGINE THE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS GOING ON INSIDE HER HEAD. AS WE REMOVED LAYER AFTER LAYER OF BANDAGE AND SCRUBBED THE OPEN DONOR WOUNDS (PLACES WHERE SKIN WAS TAKEN TO GRAFT ON THE BURN SITE) I WONDERED HOW THIS ONE NIGHT WOULD FOLLOW HER INTO THE FUTURE...

WEEK 1

TWO DAYS OF HR ORIENTATION FOLLOWED BY THREE CLINICAL ORIENTATIONS DAYS HAS BEEN LONG...BUT EXCITING. AS THE DAYS GO BY, I REALIZE MORE AND MORE WHAT AN AMAZING PROGRAM AND OPPORTUNITY I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH...I CAN'T HELP BUT CONSTANTLY SMILE. ALL THE HOURS OF SACRIFICE...THE LOST VACATIONS AND WEEKENDS...ALL THE UNKNOWN REASONS FOR STRIFE THAT BECAME MUCH OF MY NURSING SCHOOL CAREER...HAVE ALL PAID OFF...AND I AM REAPING THE DIVIDENDS ON A DAILY BASIS. I CANNOT WAIT TO BE BACK TOMORROW. TO BE AMONG THE BEST, AND WORKING TOWARDS ANOTHER GRADUATION AND COMPLETION OF A DIFFICULT AND DEMANDING PROGRAM. MY FIRST DAY ON THE UNIT IS NEXT SUNDAY AND AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE CHANGES THAT WILL TAKE PLACE IN MY LIFE AS I WORK WITH THE LIVES THAT HAVE BEEN DEALT SUCH A DIFFICULT HAND.