WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE WHEN THE SIMPLE THINGS JUST PLAIN REFUSE TO GO THE EASY WAY. TOO MANY YELLOW TRAFFIC LIGHTS, TAKING A NAP AND FORGETTING TO TURN OFF THE PHONE, AND GETTING JUST PAST THE HALF WAY MARK ON MY WAY TO WORK WHEN THE FRONT TIRE BLOWS ON MY BIKE...WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? RIDE THE SHORTER DISTANCE TO THE HOSPITAL AND DEAL WITH IT IN THE MORNING AFTER A LONG NIGHT SHIFT? OR RIDE THE LONGER DISTANCE HOME, RISK COMPLETELY DESTROYING MY TIRE, RAPIDLY CHANGE CLOTHES, DRIVE LIKE HELL BACK TO THE HOSPITAL HOPEFULLY MAKING IT ON TIME? I CHOSE THE LATTER. ONLY TO FIND ON MY ARRIVAL TO THE UNIT, BREATHLESS, SWEATY AND PITTED OUT, THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, A NEW 70% BURN WAS ON ITS WAY UP FROM THE E.D. AND HE WAS GOING TO BE MINE THROUGH THE NIGHT...
ON MY FIRST DAY OF NURSING SCHOOL THE DEAN LEFT US WITH THIS MESSAGE:
OUR LIVES CONTAIN PERIODIC "RED LETTER DAYS" THAT SIGNIFY MEMORABLE MARKERS. THIS SIGNIFIES ONE STEP IN THE FULFILLMENT OF YOUR DREAM TO BECOME A NURSE, AND I CELEBRATE THAT WITH YOU. I CONGRATULATE YOU ON THE HARD WORK AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS THAT GOT YOU HERE; WELCOME ABOARD!
AS THE TAIL LIGHTS FADE ON MY FIRST YEAR AS A PROFESSIONAL ICU NURSE I HAVE FOUND MYSELF REFLECTING ON THE VARIOUS RED LETTER MOMENTS THAT HAVE BEEN ETCHED IN THE VERY STEEP LEARNING CURVE, THAT THROUGH 148 TWELVE HOUR SHIFTS, HAVE COME TO DEFINE THE BURN NURSE THAT I AM:
THE FIRST BURN DRESSING, LOOKING INTO "MR'S" EYES OF PAIN, WITNESSING HIS GHOSTLY AND SILENT SCREAMS...FEELING HIS ROUGH UNEVEN GRAFTED SKIN.
WATCHING AN UNSUSPECTING FAMILY COME TO THE DECISION THEY THOUGHT THEY WOULD NOT BE MAKING THE DAY THAT IT WAS REQUIRED OF THEM TO MAKE IT; WITHDRAWING LIFE SUPPORT ON A FATHER AND HUSBAND, AND THROUGH THEIR TEARS, WATCH HIS LAST BREATHS.
FEELING ETHICALLY STRAINED AS EXTENDED MEASURES AND CARE WERE LAID DOWN UPON PATIENTS WHOSE VOICES WERE MUFFLED BY THE NOISE OF RELIGIOUS RESTRAINT AND FAMILIAL INDECISION.
THOSE IN MY FOXHOLE, TRUSTED MENTORS AND LEADERS, THE ICU CREW, THE "TOP 3", & B.F.F
THE SMELLS.
THE DISFIGUREMENT.
THE POWER OF DEPRESSION, GRIEF AND UNHAPPINESS LEADING SOMEONE TO FEEL THAT THE ONLY WAY OUT IS TO LIGHT THEMSELVES ON FIRE AND BURN AWAY THEIR PAIN...AND LIFE.
HEARING THE LAST TENDER SWEET WHISPERINGS BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE AS THE VESTIGE OF MORTALITY CLAIMS IT'S FINAL VICTORY.
THESE EXPERIENCES AND MANY MORE HAVE LEAD ME A STEP CLOSER TO BECOMING THE QUINTESSENTIAL PROFESSIONAL I ENVISIONED IN THOSE FIRST HOURS ON THE BURN/TRAUMA ICU.
...12 HOURS LATER, WITH GREASY MATTED HAIR AND SEVERAL FLUID POUNDS LIGHTER, WEARING A GRIN. I STOOD IN THE SHOWER WASHING AWAY THE SWEAT AND STINK, FEELING THE "RED LETTER" ACCOMPLISHMENT OF HAVING MADE IT THROUGH MY FIRST MAJOR BURN ADMISSION. AS MY HEAD HIT THE PILLOW IN PREPARATION FOR THE TWELVE MORE HOURS AHEAD, A FLEETING THOUGHT AND BURGEONING CONFIDENCE PASSED THROUGH MY MIND WRAPPED IN THE FEELING THAT I HAD ARRIVED...
