#1

ON ANY GIVEN DAY, WE WAKE WITH A CERTAIN CONFIDENCE AND APPRECIATION FOR THE MUNDANE REQUIREMENTS AND TASKS THAT LIE SAFELY AHEAD. A SORT OF NEVER ENDING LIST OF "TO-DO'S" THAT WE ATTACK AND MINIMIZE DAILY. WE HAVE OUR JOBS, OUR KIDS, OUR WORRIES AND CONCERNS. WE DRIVE THE SAME ROUTES, WE FREQUENT THE SAME STORES, AND CONTINUALLY ANALYZE OUR LIVES SEARCHING FOR THAT SOMETHING TO MAKE US FEEL MORE ALIVE AND BUMP OUR ROUTINE OUT OF THE RUT OF NORMALCY. THOUGH IT IS CERTAINLY ACKNOWLEDGED THAT ANY NUMBER OF EVENTS MIGHT TAKE CONTROL AND SHAKE OUR DAILY "TO-DO'S", SURELY CHANGING THE COURSE OF OUR LIFE, WE STUBBORNLY INSIST THAT THOSE EVENTS ARE SOMEWHERE UP THE ROAD, AND THAT "TODAY" WILL JUST BE ANOTHER REGULAR DAY.

#1'S HEALTH HAD BEEN AILING IN THE PAST MONTHS, AND A UNFORTUNATE OVERUSE OF AN ANALGESIC HEAT RUB (BENGAY) CAUSED A CHEMICAL BURN AND BROUGHT HIM TO OUR FLOOR. #1 BEGAN TO LOOSE CIRCULATION TO HIS EXTREMITIES LEADING TO FULL BLOWN SEPSIS AND A NEED TO AMPUTATE. DAYS PASSED, AND MACHINES WERE ADDED. I WATCHED A CONFLICTED WIFE BEING PULLED BETWEEN HER OWN HOPE AND HIS WISHES. THOUGH A DECISION TO GIVE TREATMENT THROUGH THE WEEKEND WAS REACHED WITH THE BURN TEAM, THIS YIELDED NO FREEDOM TO HER QUIET STRUGGLE. 12 HOURS LATER AND 72 SHORT OF THE AGREED PLAN, HER ANGUISH FOR HIS SUFFERING SURPASSED HER OWN HOPE. SHE KNEW BETTER THAN ANYONE THAT THE MAN SHE WOKE UP TO EACH MORNING FOR 63 YEARS WOULD NOT HAVE ANY OF THIS, AND THEREFORE THE DECISION WAS ALREADY MADE...IT WAS TIME. THE MACHINES WERE REMOVED, PAIN WAS TREATED, AND PRIVACY GRANTED. AS I WATCHED #1'S FAMILY CIRCLE HIS BED TO SHARE HIS LAST MOMENTS I COULDN'T HELP BUT THINK THAT THIS DAY WOULD FOREVER MARK A CHANGE IN ALL OF THEIR LIVES, EACH DAY AFTER WOULD BE DIFFERENT FOR TODAY WAS GOING TO BE THE DAY THAT THEIR FATHER AND HUSBAND WOULD DIE.

LATER, AS I PULLED THE TUBES AND IVS FROM HIS BODY, TAGGED HIS TOE AND ZIPPED UP HIS BODY BAG, I REFLECTED ON HOW ORDINARILY MY DAY HAD BEGUN, LIKE MANY OTHERS...WITH THE DREAD OF AN EARLY ALARM WAKING ME TO THE REDUNDANCY OF LIFE...OR SO I WOULD THINK...

...RIP #1...